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' ALL DOOES OPEN TO CODETE8Y/
LET THE JEST GO ROUND.
WHAT SHE CAN DO.
"Dox'T you think woman can do a great deal towards elevating the stage? " 7fa; " Yea. She can lower her hat."
A REASON.
5%a;" I f you can't hear her, why did you get engaged to her?" 1/a; "Well, yousee, we bnd sat out three dances,
and I could not think of any-thing else to say, and she accepted."
MUCH ENGAGED.
" I'VE been in sixteen engagements," said Colonel Warhorse, of Kentucky, to Miss Flypp. ** Oh, that's nothing; I've l*een engaged six I lines myself! and look at the difference in our ages l"
A DISAPPOINTMENT.
ONE of the most unexpected and spirit-dropping thing* is to borrow an umbrella and find (he proprietor's name indelibly marked on the handle.
OP NO FURTHER USE.
J.; "#0, sir, for that hnrse, and it cost mo JB. (aaa-
yicfoaafj/): "Isn't thntan unusual reduction? .4. (/ra)t&Z//); "Yes, it is. But he ran away and killed my wife, and I have no further use for him."
AT LAST.
" INTELLIGENCE has just reached me," began Mr. Blodger, as he sat down to the dinner-table. " Thank heaven Jf it has at last," exclaimed Mrs. Blodger ; and the food was partaken of In silence.
JACK ASHORE.
A BAILOR at Liverpool hailed a cab alongside his ship to drive him home. The cabby proceeded to put the luggage on the top of the rab,
as is the usual rase, when the salt called out: "Here,
cahby I none o'
chat for me. It's iwa that rides up on da*, and my box must go in the Aofd/"
A GOOD HATCH.
"YES," said a fashionable lady, " I think Mar)' has made a very good match. I hear tlwt her busband is one of the shrewdest and most unprincipled lawyers in the profession; and of course, he can afford to gratify her every wish."
ELECTRICITY.
"HATE yon given clrrtriclty a trial for your complain c, madam ?" asked the minister, as ho took tea with the old lady. "Electricity!" said she. "Well, yes, I reckon i has. I was struck by lightning last summer, and hove out the window, but itdidn't seem to do me no sort of good."
AT FIRST BIGHT.
#6; Do you believe in such a thing as love at first sight?" AAa: "Certainly. A hasty glance does not discover imperfections."
HER THOUGHTS.
" A penny/or your (AowpAfs," said A*;
NAa aioaeMy amWad aa mafdama do; "7%ay are wo* icortA (A of muck," aafd aha, " fbr 7 woa (Afw&fMp, afr, q/ yoa."
"UNDOING IT."
" DQN'T do that," said a father to h!s little son, who was about to open the door of the bird's cage. " I'm not doing it, pa; I'm undoing it," innocently replied the little fellow.
NOT NEW.
' How are you getting your
....____ _ along
with your now servant-girl ?" asked the caller. "Our new servant-girl I " replied the hostess with some indignation in her voice; " why, alio has been with us for four days! "
RELIEF.
fTaiyA&oA; "And you expect to support my daughter on two pou nds a week ?" C/art7e(a; " Yes, sir." JVaipAboA; " Well, go ahead ; my heart refuses, but my pocket-book consents. She costs me each week ten pounds."
PIN MONEY.
27a (to brida): " Why, where did you get all those pins?" &Aa; " Why, you gave me ten pounds for pin-money; so I supposed I bad to buy ten pound*' worth. We can store them in the cellar."
HISSING.
BHE WOULD THY.
4dafa; "Would you marry a man simply because he's rich ?" -A/aAafk; "No, but I would try very hard to love him."
AN EASIER WAY. FatAer; "Did you reject that Italian Count as I told you to?" DwupAtar: "I told him you had failed."
PRUDENCE.
" TAKE care of the useful, and the beautiful will take care of itself." This Is what the fond and humorous father remarked when he married off his ugliest daughter Brat.
TO MARK LINEN.
A LADY wishes to know the best way of marking table linen, Blackberry pie is our choice, although a baby with a gravy dish is highly esteemed by many.
DULL TIMES.
Caafowar : " Hlllo I I say. You've made an awful blunder: you've put no pockets In this suit." TaMor; "That's all the fashion, sir. No gentleman has any use for pockets these dull times."
A SUPPOSITION.
Qmnmider;" What do you mean by saying that that house is only five minutes from the station? It's fifteen minutes, if it's a second." 7?aa( #a(afa Da«br; "When I said five minutes I supposed you had a bicycle."
AGGRAVATED INSULT.
Ybiowy (a* fafapAona) ;" Is that the telephone office ? I want to talk with Cyrus Winter-
bottom. I'm his wife-" STafa-
pAoaa (Hrf; " Number ? " Ybmw IK^/a ; " Number ? I'm his Brat and only, you Insulting creature 1"
#naa # (nd a efmpfa maMar jaaf *o ateaf a Maa ;
IKAwt aama cowafdar AarmZaxa otAararac&on mac A amiiaa. &waa *raa* it 10WA <*dWM"enca, aonia coiafdar if (yood/aw; j)at rary iaacA dapa**da ttprnt (Aa afyfo iw ioA(cA if a dwia
CRITICISM.
Ha: " And did you tell your father that although T am penniless, with your love I would be the richest man in the world?" 6Ae; " Yes, but It did no good. He said I'd be a fool to enter into a life partnership in which I had to furnish all the capital"
AFRAID.
WITH pleading eyes she looked up from the piano and sang—
Call me your darling again." But he refused, as there were many witnesses forming the Christmas party, and there is no telling when a man will be Introduced to a breach-of-promise suit in these days.
HKPLAIMD. Ha: " Why do you women always 1 login a novel at the end instead of the beginning?" 6Aa; i In the first place, we don't do anything of the kind. In the second place, if we did, it would be because the end of the book is where the marriage comes in, and we naturally want to get the disagreeable part of the story disposed of, so we are free to enjoy the love making."
THE PROVOBT.
A PERTH man and a Newbnrgh man were disputing ahout the merits of their rc*iiocllve burghs. After reciting many other advantages the I'crih man clinched his argument with: " Ah l but oor Provogt gangs about wi'a chain." "Dls he?" drily responded the other. " Aweel, we lat ours gang about lowse."
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